My next door neighbor died a few days ago. At 40, this kind father of a 2-year old son, devoted husband to a beautiful woman, and non-smoker died of lung cancer.
And I am ashamed.
I am ashamed because I did not know him.
We shared a common wall for six years and I did not know him. He was an important person with an important position first in the state and then on a national level. Is that why I did not know him? Was I too timid to approach such an important man? But he was always friendly. Why didn’t I stop and talk?
I do not know his wife. In fact, I know very few of my neighbors and only on a surface level. I go about my busy life, giving a wave or smile to those passing by my condo. I intend to talk to them. I intend to ask about their health, their families, their interests.
I don’t even know the people I work with well. I utter pleasantries and try to not engage in the gripings; I heat up my lunch in the workroom and then retreat to eat and work at my desk. We do not meet for happy hour or a cup of coffee because of lengthy commutes.
What does it say about me that I talk more with people who live across the country or on the other side of the globe than with the people who live 10 feet from me.
It is never too late! I think this might be a good time to send a card or even stop by to ask if they need any help, Im sure it will be appreciated.
3 days ago I learned that my 31 year old cousin, husband and father of two (7 & 5 years) got a heart attack and died. It was a huge shock to the family and everyone is still upset of course.. I couldn’t stop thinking that we all need to revaluate our actions and priorities, cause we never know when it’s gonna be too late.
This is definitely a reason to change a few things about the way I go about my daily life. Yes, I am sending her a card
Your cousin’s death is tragic.
It says you are typical human in the 21st century. I, too, talk more to people on the other side of the globe then I do my neighbors. I live in an apartment complex, with six neighbors on my floor, and do not know a single one of them. The most I know are the dogs, they always wag tails and greet happily and I am more likely to bend down, make eye-contact, and talk to the dogs then their humans.
I am sorry about your neighbor. I feel for his child and family left behind. What a tragedy.
Thank you.
Yes, we are always in a hurry, afraid to be held up in a few words. Now that I am retired I have more time to say hello to people living around me. It is so good to see some strangers face lighting up when you ask how they are. Very rewarding I think. Life is to short to not know your neighbors.
Yes, I agree… I still need to do this.
Hi Mona, I am sorry to hear from your neighbour, what a tragedy…but as said before…it’s never too late to change. For me it’s important to talk to all the people nearby, fortunately I know all my neighbours and they know me and for sure if something is happening… I’m living in a neighbourhood where everybody will help one another when needed. I am so grateful for that.
But I also think it’s something of our time: everybody is so busy with themselves that there is so little left for taking care of or even being friendly and chat a little with others.
Time to change; if we all do a little… just give a big smile to a stranger… the world will change… bit by bit. I vote for that
You know, I used to know my neighbors. We came to each other’s parties, shared books and cups of coffee, watched each other’s kids, brought cookies or brownies when someone new moved into the neighborhood, and provided support in difficult times. That was in the suburbs. Then I sold my house & moved into my husband’s condo. I invited the neighbors to our first party. I tried to make friends. And then, I don’t know, it just didn’t feel like a neighborhood but more like a condo association. And now I talk with the older women nearby, the man across the way, the delightfully crusty woman who walks her little dog every night, and the one woman at the other end who is my age. I smile and make small talk with the others when I see them, but I don’t know their names. But I DO miss my neighbors.
It says you are not much different than many of us, that do the exact same thing. I only “know” one of my neighbors, and even then, it is an occasional nod or brief conversation as we pass each other while we go about our lives.
How tragic is the death of your neighbor, and that his death leaves behind a wife and young child. How sad for the years that will be missed.
You know, since this time, I haven’t seen a soul on the street, and I have worked 12 hour (or more) days, so it looks as if I haven’t changed one wit.
Sad Story . Great writing Mona
Thank you … and yes it is a sad story.
Isn’t that just the truth! That post really opened my eyes to things that I just didn’t think about! It’s so easy to get caught up in our own lives that you don’t even realize who’s just a few feet from you! Thank you so much for this post! It makes me want to bake some cookies and go visit a few neighbors I haven’t seen in months!
You know, it’s easier said than done.
True that lol
That is so weird. I just finished editing and revising a piece I had written a few years ago. I wsa planning to post it in a couple of days. Odd that I should see this about the same kind of thing.
Yes, it is odd.
This is a sad story but It’s never too late to reach out a hand to the family. I am sure the neignbur and father to his 2 year old son and a husband to a lovely wife will be watching. May he rest in peace.
Yes, I do need to do that. He was a very good man …
Im sure indeed.
Thanks for a post that hits home!
Mona, I can relate to this post…
I find that many can.
It’s the same with me. I don’t think you should feel ashamed, but maybe this could be a reason to change. I think I will take the time to exchange a few words with my neighbors next time I pass by them. Thanks for sharing, Mona.
Hi Mona, I’m sure you’ve noticed my extended absence but I wanted you to know I appreciate your nomination for the sunshine award and congratulate you on your 100th follower. I appreciate you stopping by. I can identify with this post. I couldn’t tell you the name of 2 people who live in the same apartment complex as me, 10 people who work in the same office as me, or 20 people who live in the same town as me outside my church and my family. I don’t know that I could honestly say I want to change that though. I have forged closer relationships with many friends from different parts of the country and the world for one simple reason. You said in your post you shared a “wall” with your neighbor. I think we create metaphorical walls around ourselves in real life. We are afraid of judgement that comes from the hearts of those see our lives as a raw and unshaped stone. We create ourselves through the internet and social media to be the person we desire to be, the polished person we long to see ourselves as. When I’m here, I’m not a little overweight, I don’t have trouble breaking the ice, my hand doesn’t shake when I get nervous, and my brow doesn’t start to sweat after a heated conversation. Here I am the photographer, I share the part of my life I love most, the part that gives me confidence. Here, I am already the man I am trying to become. Maybe it’s not the best way to live for everyone and it is a sad statement about our society and our fears, but it’s comfortable, sometimes that’s all you want.
Arley, As a little time has passed, I realize that I am more like your description of yourself. I am more truly myself in my writing and my pictures than I am standing next to my car at the end of the work day asking a neighbor (the rare one who is outside) how she is doing. When I have a chance to edit what I say, I’m less likely to sound like a doofus (but sometimes that still slips through). I completely understand what you are saying.
The same goes for most of us, we regret,make a plan to change ourselves then after few days,we get busy with our work. Thanks for sharing.
Yes, I believe that you are right.
Okay everybody…far from me to be a cheerleader (although it is kind of what I do in life)…we have all written about how we don’t the folks who live/work/play around us…so we know what to do…let’s just do it…go over and say, Hi I live/work/play next door and just thought I would introduce myself. Yeah you are bound to get some off the wall responses, but you are also going to open some doors and meet some awesome folks…c’mon…this is our chance to change our world…at least a little.
Be encouraged!
Thanks Stephen, I will try to do what you suggest. I know that I do need to meet my neighbors since I’ve lived here six years.
A dear, sweet friend of mine — a 35 year old mother to a four-year-old, a wife, and award-winning elementary school teacher — just passed away from the same horrible fate. Lung cancer in non-smokers is becoming an epidmic and it’s just heart breaking.
One of the gifts Tasha left behind was a blog post she wrote earlier this year on the one year anniversary of her diagnosis and just a few months before she left us. I want to share it with you because I think her words are encouragingly appropriate and related to your post.
Please check out the 10 Gifts Cancer Has Given Me post here: http://tashasfight.blogspot.com/2012/01/top-10.html
Hi Mona,we’re all guilty of what u have written to some degree. It’s lousy I know..got to take make amends while we can
got to make amends while we can..
I agree.